"Wow! You have some incredible info here.
I've saved hundreds and identified many time-wasters in the last six weeks and the women I want seem to be chasing me now.
It's really cool."
GB-Toronto
Dating Advice -- Matt Answers Letters
Dating & Mating Secrets ...
Matt's Relationship Advice.
Question:
Hello Matt,
I am from India, here's the deal, I have never had a girlfriend. I am 20 years old and I think for the first time I like someone. She's from America and I met her two years ago for a duration of two weeks.
The funny part is I have not been able to forget her and we hardly did anything together apart from the fact that my family stayed at her house for the short time we were there.
The thing is she is my second cousin twice removed I am not sure how we are even related,
but I like her Matt and I don't know if I ever have a shot at getting to know her at all.
Tell me how I can get this girl to get to know me, despite the fact that she is about 300000 miles away.
Hoping I have the faintest shot at her.
I really need help Matt,
B.
Matt's Answer:
B:
There is only one way to meet a woman and make any impression that will last more than a few minutes.
You must meet in person.
You must control the situation. And you must be willing to accept that if she doesn't feel the way you want her to there is nothing you can do about it. That's it!
Texting, phone, emails, Skype calls, all mean nothing unless you have met in person and spent some time together. And then, she makes the decision.
I don't like it, but that's the way it is. I also don't like it when I have planned a day at the beach and it rains. But that's the way it is and I must accept it.
The good news is there will be another sunny day. And there is a woman out there who really wants you.
Good luck,
Question:
Hi Matt,
Great site by the way. I was wondering, should a guy pay a woman compliments in the first few dates (I like your blouse, I'm glad to see you etc) or does that comes off a too woossy.
I tried those tactics last week, the date turned out to be a dud.
Just wondering.
D.
Matt's Answer:
D:
Great question. You said compliments,- with an "s." In other words more than one. NO.
If you come off like you're too happy to be with her, then you've removed yourself as a challenge.
Let her pay you compliments, but don't pay her any, or at the very least just one little one. But let her be first.
Think about it. If she goes home thinking, "Wow he liked my hair, he liked my blouse, he liked my pants, he liked my eye shadow, he must really like ME!" Where do you go from there?
The point is, paying her a compliment is not going to make her like YOU any more. What will make her like you and want you is if you are a challenge and you have confidence.
Let 's say you're talking with a woman who you really don't care for and she says, "Wow, I like your shirt."
Are you going to all-of-a-sudden change your mind about her? Probably not.
You should re-read all the tips on BetterDatesNow. Read every one and think about your dating life and what you did when things went right. And if things haven't been going right, read them all again.
Good luck,
Question:
Hi Matt,
I'm a guy that likes beautiful women but don't really get them may be too shy
or lack of approach
T.
Matt's Answer:
T:
So you think you're the only guy who likes beautiful women and does't know how
to approach them?
Read all of the chapters on BetterDatesNow.com. Then read
them again.
Plus, realize that unless you have the courage to at least say 'hello' to a
woman, you will spend the rest of your life alone. Say Hello and say it with
confidence. What's the worst that can happen? She doesn't respond? So what!!
Forget that she's beautiful and don't tell her. If she really is beautiful she
already knows it, and she expects you to know it too. Don't tell her. (Unless
she's your wife)
The only thing you have to be afraid of is your own fear. Get a grip and move
forward.
Good luck,
Question:
Dear Matt,
I was wondering about your advice and I need for you to shine some light on a couple things.
First off, I love your advice, I only just read it and I already feel like a new man. However, in one of your tips you say never to text or to use any messaging devices or programs or stuff like that, and you also say to get plenty of practice. What if I were to use these things on girls I already talk to, using the rest of your advice, only for practice to gain a bit more confidence in myself before I try it out under the more intense situations.
Also, I dated this girl for a long time almost 3 years ago, and we haven't been talking for the past two years. I've had feelings for her that I completely ignored to avoid the disappointment, and she seemed to feel just as passionately about me the last time we talked. A few weeks ago, she tried to start talking to me again. Long story short, we're talking again now and we worked everything out, but I still have pretty strong feelings for her that I've hidden well so far. What does it mean that she made the move to start talking to me again? Is this good? Where should I go with this?
Please let me know, I'm frantic to figure this thing out soon, as I feel I'm running out of time, and I want to know if its good to start trying everything out slowly, or just go out and try it in person.
Matt's Answer:
S:
One problem with texting is that you have no idea how much of her attention is on you when she's doing it. When you're together you can gauge her attention and her interest. You can see it.
It's been two weeks since you wrote me about the return of your former girlfriend, it sounds good. I hope things are progressing in your favor. Without knowing the circumstances of your previous breakup I can only say take it slow.
If she made the move, she obviously has high interest. Now everything that you do will determine whether or not her interest stays high.
Remember, most women want a man who is in control, who is confident and who is a challenge. Re-read the chapters on BetterDatesNow.com and follow the steps. Sometimes women want what they think they can't have.
Remember, it's not how you feel that's important, it's how she feels.
Let me know how it works out.
Question:
Hi. Love your page ! My question is what does she mean by " I need some space " after everything is going fine?
Thank you.
--JD
Matt's Answer:
JD:
Let's analyze: You say everything is going fine? For you or her?
Think about what would be going on if YOU 'needed some space”. You'd probably be feeling crowded, smothered, seeing too much of her, maybe interested in someone else and want some time to check it out.
Those are a few reasons people 'want some space.' Space means distance between you. If she needs some space, she needs some distance between you. She doesn't want to get closer, she wants to get farther away. Pretty simple actually. Her interest level in you is lower than yours in her. She's in control.
Disappear. Let her have her space, all the space she wants. Be difficult to reach, don't return her calls, disappear. Make her want you more.
If she doesn't miss you, come to her senses and respond the way you want her to, consider it a detour from divorce and move on to the next. Somebody out there wants you more than she does.
Good Luck.
Question:
Matt,
For starters, your website is amazing! I have the confidence now to
approach any woman I run into!
One question however, I was on a similar
site (run by a bitter, divorced woman) that said that if a man waited
longer than three days to call a lady then he is labeled a "Playa" and
that women should avoid this type of man.
What's your take on this?
--M.
Matt's Answer:
Hello M.:
Never take advice from a woman about how to
succeed with woman unless she is a lesbian with fantastic success. And if
she's a bitter divorced woman forget about it.
Get advice from a man who has
a solid track record of success.
Will some women think you're a 'playa' if
you wait longer than three days to call? Yes. But if she is REALLY
interested in you she won't.
For example if you're Brad Pitt, you get her
number and don't call her for two weeks, will she think you're playing her?NO. You're Brad Pitt!! She'd be happy to hear from you next year-or even
five years from now!
If her interest is high enough, longer than three days
is not too long.
If she's just looking for a free meal then SHE'S the
'playa'.
Question:
Hi Matt
Let me congratulate you on ur website...It is amazing...
I am from India....and I have been trying to woo a girl who already has a boyfriend....In fact I asked her out on a date and she agreed....That led to a second and that led to a third, and been going well...We both are really close, and talk about everything under the sun...
And to gauge her interest by ur tips, I would say that she is very interested....
It's been going on that way, she doesn't even mention her boyfriend at least once during her conversation, and we flirt with each other...though our relationship is not personal...i give her hugs and half hugs etc....and she responds but it dint go to the next level...I dont know her relationship with her present boyfriend, but I am guessing it's a bit more personal than that...
But the crunch came recently, when she called me out, and told me that her boyfriend wanted her to end all ties with me....And we parted as good friends....She said she doesnt want to lose a friend like me, and we still talk about a lot with each other..
So do you think anything can be salvaged from this??? Anything I could do to get her back??
Would be really grateful if you can reply....
Thanks and Regards,
S.
Matt's Answer:
Hello S.:
You asked if "anything can be salvaged" and also "Anything I could do to get her back?"
Sorry to say, you can't get back what you didn't have in the first place.
She has a boyfriend! You are an acquaintance. Perhaps she is friendly with you, but you remain just an acquaintance, a friend, someone she might enjoy being with, but clearly not as much as she enjoys being with her boyfriend.
The problem we men ALL have is thinking because we like a woman, she should like us as much-or more. NOT TRUE!!!!!
This woman has the best of both worlds, a boyfriend who she can be intimate with and a guy who she can hang with and make small talk. Women like to have men "friends." But men don't want a lot of women "friends", they want a lot of 'girlfriends.' There is a big difference.
Of course she doesn't want to lose a friend like you. But face reality. If it's between you and her boyfriend, she picks her boyfriend.
So what do you really mean to her? Remember her actions speak louder than words.
Forget her. Tell her you are no longer available to be her friend because you want more than that. Tell her if she ends it with her boyfriend to give you call, until then-Goodbye.
That's it! GOODBYE. Don't go into detail. Don't explain yourself. And don't make yourself available to her unless she gets rid of her boyfriend.
Believe me, she knows what's happening. If she really wants you, or is really interested in a relationship with you (the kind of relationship you want) she'll let you know in the only way she can, by her actions, NOT her words. Move on to the next. Find a woman who wants YOU to be her boyfriend, not just a friend.
Be a challenge, not a friend.
Question: What should I do about the girl I was seeing/ have interest in whose ex is still in the picture even though everyone including herself and her mother has told me how no good he is for her???
What is needed to be done in order to change a girl's perspective of me which is based on false pretenses and from circumstance and timing is was beyond our control??
Matt's Answer:
If he's really her 'ex' why is he STILL in the picture?
No need to explain this to me, but it's a question you should answer yourself. There are always excuses but what we need are REASONS.
She and her mother say he is no good for her? My mother told me at an early age, "Actions speak louder than words."
He is still in the picture for one of two reasons: She still wants him in the picture or She doesn't want him completely OUT of the picture.
The lesson is WATCH WHAT SHE IS DOING, NOT WHAT SHE IS SAYING.
The answer to your second question:
I assume you're talking about the same girl. There is very little you can do to change a person's impression of you. Someone once said 'you don't get a second chance to make a first impression.'
You have no control over what someone thinks of you. You can control what YOU think and what YOU do but not someone else.
So instead of trying to change HER impression of you why don't you change the person she thinks you are?
95% of all women respond to a challenge.
If you're in her life now, remove yourself. You don't have to announce it or explain it. Just remove yourself and be mysterious about it. I believe, if she cares about you, she'll come looking. If so, you will have the confidence of knowing you were in control and presented a challenge to her.
Control, confidence and challenge, all very important. But you also have to be prepared to face the reality if she is not interested in having you back in her life.
Remember, you can't make anyone love you. We guys too often focus on OUR interest level and not HER level of interest. Without her interest being high, there is no chance. Be ready to move on.
Your situation is exciting because you have a chance to re-define your relationship on YOUR terms. AND, maybe even a rare second chance to make that first impression–or at least a NEW impression.
Good luck. Let me know how it works out.
Question:
Hi Matt, thanks for the great tips. They seem to be quite consistent with my
experiences. If you ever wrote a book I would be quite interested.
I have a question about your latest tip though, about waiting at least 4-9
days before calling. I know that this number can vary largely depending on
where you get your advice. But 9 days seems a bit long to me, say for instance
a girl is very interested before the first date has even happened. She's very
touchy feely and flirty when you first meet, is it ok to call two days later?
I usually wait at least 3 days before calling, I didn't think it mattered that
much as long as you don't call right away.
Matt's Answer: (Six days later)
I intentionally waited to respond to your email.
Were you curious about
whether I would respond?
If you had high interest in my response to your
question you would be waiting for that response. If you didn't care, it
wouldn't matter to you.
So it goes with women. If she TRULY has high interest, I say it would be a
big mistake to call her in two days. You say you wait at least 3 days. Is
that working out for you? Are you getting the results you want with women?
I
believe three days is too soon. But if it works for you don't change it.
You see, if she is genuinely interested in you, really wants to know more
about you, and really wants to go out with you, calling too soon will only
spoil that.
You should call her just about the time she's wondering why you
haven't called her.
Most guys call too soon. They don't represent a
challenge. She gets that all the time. You must be different, set yourself
apart from the average bozo that calls in 1-2 days.
If she is TRULY interested in you, her interest will only increase in the
days following your initial meeting. If she's not TRULY interested in you,
it doesn't matter when you call.
Question:
Matt,
For starters, your website is amazing! I have the confidence now to
approach any woman I run into!
One question however, I was on a similar
site (run by a bitter, divorced woman) that said that if a man waited
longer than three days to call a lady then he is labeled a "Playa" and
that women should avoid this type of man.
What's your take on this?
M.
Matt's Answer:
Dear M.
Thanks for your comments about Betterdatesnow.com Keep coming back for more
tips.
My response to your email: Never take advice from a woman about how to
succeed with woman unless she is a lesbian with fantastic success. And if
she's a bitter divorced woman forget about it.
Get advice from a man who has
a solid track record of success.
Will some women think you're a 'playa' if
you wait longer than three days to call? Yes. But if she is REALLY
interested in you she won't.
For example if you're Brad Pitt, you get her
number and don't call her for two weeks, will she think you're playing her?
NO. You're Brad Pitt!! She'd be happy to hear from you next year-or even
five years from now!
If her interest is high enough, longer than three days
is not too long.
If she's just looking for a free meal then SHE'S the
'playa'.
Question:
Hello Matt,
I recently met this girl on a online dating site. It's been over a week or so.
It started with her messaging me on that site. She said she saw my profile and saw that I liked making movies. She said she had a friend that likes to make movies too and I should meet him. I thought it was weird that she was trying to introduce me to another guy on a dating site. We messaged each other a few times and I got her MSN.
We talked to each other about 4 times on MSN, but never talked about the guy she was trying to introduce to me. I tried to keep the conversations on MSN short, cause I don't want to give up too much info about myself. It was hard at times, but I was able to end the conversations at the height of it.
I still think I may have talked too much. But anyway, I finally said that I would like to meet her in person and asked for her number. She gave it to me and told me to text her cause her phone is always on.
I asked my friends about it and some said I should text her and some said I should call her.
I then came across your "Text Trap" information, so I didn't text her or call her yet.
She gave me her number 2 days ago. What should I do now? Is she telling me to text her, so that I can fall into the trap? Also, did I do it wrong by MSN her 4 times instead of just keeping it short and asked for a date right away?
Hopefully I haven't blown it yet. I will need some guidance and analysis of my situation. Help is definitely appreciated.
Thank you!
N.
Matt's Answer:
N:
You said you "met her on a online dating site" but in reality you haven't yet met her. You have communicated with her, but until you meet, face to face, you have not really met.
You must understand, pictures, phone calls, IM, MSN, none of it matters until you meet FACE TO FACE IN PERSON.
Seems like she is interested and it's good you havene't called yet.
In the next 1-2 days, do not text her, but call her, make it short and set a time and place to meet.
Just tell her, "It's time for us to meet." You name the time and place.
Make it a quick meeting for coffee or tea, or just a quick meeting for no more than 30 minutes.
If she hesitates or makes an excuse WITHOUT making a counter offer for time and place, don't call her again. She might be just a game player.
Let me know how it works out.
Good luck.
Hi Matt,
Thanks for your advice. I will call her in the next 2 days and see what happens. I'll keep you posted on what happens.
Thank you kindly,
N.
Matt's Method Tip
What she DOES is more important than what she SAYS --
Switch up a situation - present her with a challenge
Relationship Advice 
